It all started when our cousin Jacob wouldn't shut the fuck up...
Shit My Kin Says
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“When I was little, I wanted a sandwich, and I accidentally put my hand on the grill.” Ouch..sounds painful. “Yeah, the guy had to use the spatula to take my hand off it.” What the—? How long did you leave your hand on there?! I can only imagine the face you had…
Yesterday, at 1am, as Cousin Jacob decided to leave, I was nice enough to walk him out. Little did I know his talkative ass was gonna keep me four hours until 5am wondering why in the hell his ex girlfriend Isabella left him… officially two years ago.I tried slowly inching back to the door but HE KEPT BLOCKING IT. Like seriously, what the hell?!! This isn’t the first time he’s ruined my night. It because of things like this that I’m a bitch. No matter how much I prayed he just.wouldn’t.go. Next time, I’ll tell him my room is on fire and I have to go.
~Rose
Cousin Jacob: I want a secretary.
Rose: What for? You're still studying.
Cousin Jacob: And she better have a PhD AND be hot.
Steven: Why would anyone with a PhD be a secretary?
Cousin Jacob: I'll pay her 5 million dollars EVERY year.
Steven & Rose: ....
Cousin Jacob: And if she isn't hot, she'll have to get any plastic surgery I want. I'll pay that, and so she can sleep with me.
Inner thought: I think you just want a hooker.
“I’m gonna study circuiting.” Oh wow, that’s actually good.. “Yeah, uh, cos that Nintendo is just a computer, so I want to make wireless controllers for it. I wanna modify it.” So, you’re going to study five years of Electronic Engineering…just to rewire your Nintendo controllers?
“Of course! For her pure American husband, she’s completely hot, young, and exotic!” Er…that our aunt you’re talking about..our 50 year old aunt. And no, she’s not exotic.
“No, cos, I’m gonna legalize marijuana! And I’m gonna make a huge business of importing and exporting it!” Good to know your life goal is being a drug dealer.
“I know I’m a musical genius! You just gave me five minutes of piano lesson and I already have my own melody!” Okay, you pressing random notes, is not called jazz.
